Pushing Buttons
by Cokkii
Summary: When the RangeMan's revenge goes oh so wrong. Oneshot based off Boston Creams and RC's Cookies.
1. Pushing Buttons

Disclaimer: You KNOW I don't own the Evanovich characters. Though I share custody of the others with my friends.

AN: Please read my story Boston Creams before trying to understand who these people are and why this is so funny. This is only one of many side stories based of those characters. Enjoy.

Thanks to Aunbre for giving me these wonderful ideas. ;)

Pushing Buttons 

Cam's POV

It was a Monday. Not much happening on a Monday. Ranger had given me three weeks of computer searches because of the whipped cream incident. As it turns out he didn't find the humor of sitting in a happy face of whipped cream. If he had only looked before he sat down then it would have been a harmless joke.

To relieve myself from this impending boredom I brought up a search and typed in the Bombshell. I have been hearing rumors of her exploits from my first day. This was the perfect opportunity to find out the truth. I had just gotten to the report on the Porsche 911 and the garbage truck when Lester burst onto the control room floor. "Goddamn it!"

Tank was there beside him. "Aw, come on, Les. It's nothing worse that what you do."

"Yeah but mine never work."

I leaned out of my cubical. "Prank fall through?"

Tank smiled. "Carla smoked his ass."

I raise an eyebrow. "Again?"

Les was steaming. "Yeah, again. She turned my own prank against me. Man she's lucky I don't egg her house."

"She'd deserve it." I said. "She's as bad a s Ranger when it comes to jokes."

Tank shook his head. "She's worse, but she doesn't deserve eggs. Toilet paper."

"Man, that's lame." Les said. He took off his shoes. A black foam spilled out onto the floor. "What is this?"

Tank sniffed the goo. "Whipped cream. And toilet paper is a classic."

I shook my head. "Now she and Ranger are teaming up? Not fair. She doesn't deserve paper either. She needs something that'll drive her nuts."

You could see the light bulbs blink on.

"Doorbell ditch." They said as one.

000oooo000

Cam's POV

It turns out that the guys knew exactly where to find Carla. Why? I didn't know but I didn't complain. Tank logged us out for personal time and we set off. When we set up our stakeout we immediately saw her moving around through the window. Tank turned in his seat. "Okay. We all can't go up there at once, so I think we should go up in turns. Ring the bell and run to the side of the house. One of us will be watching her movements. I suggest we should was until she gets far enough away so that it takes he a little time and we can get out of sight."

We nodded our consent. "Who goes first?" Lester asked.

"Draw straws."

Tank got to go first. Lester pulled out a pair of binoculars and a set of walkie-talkies. "'Kay man. She's in the kitchen. That gives you 30 seconds to get out of sight." Tank made the affirmative noise and set off. From the SUV, we could see it all. He made it to the door, made us wish for luck and rung the bell.

Before the bell had finished echoing through the house he had started his escape. He had almost made it to safety when he fell over. "What is he doing?" Lester screeched. "He's gunna get caught." In the window we could see Carla's silhouette getting closer. "Hurry man."

Tank stumbled to his hands and knees and crawled to safety. Carla opened the door within a millisecond of his boot clearing the side of the house. She looked around for a second and closed the door. When Tank made it back to the SUV we attacked him. "Man that was close." I smacked him on the back. "What the hell happened out there?"

Tank pulled up his pant leg and we were treated with the sight of multiple thorns imbedded in his calf. "Rose bush."

Les and I cringed. Once we got over the incident we set up Les. "'Kay Les.The bush is right before the corner." Tank warned.

"Yeah yeah. Let me show ya how a pro does it." Tank and I rolled our eyes. "Okay, here I go."

We saw his shadow move to the door, ring the bell and run. He made it to safety with seconds to spare before she opened the door. When the coast was clear he casually strolled towards the SUV. "Cocky bastard,"

Les shrugged. "Don't hate."

"Your turn Cam."

I nodded. When I had reached my hiding place and was prepping myself for my run I heard Tank call over the walkie. "Beware the roses."

I flipped off the SUV and made my move. I skirted the rose bush and skipped up the stoop. I had my hand raised, finger extended, not an inch from the bell when I got the feeling of impending doom. I watched in slow motion as the door opened to reveal Carla standing right there. I couldn't move, a deer in the headlights. She smiled. "Hello, Cam. I didn't expect you."

"H-hi."

Her smile widened. "Is there something I can do for you?'

"I-I was wond-wondering if you w-would like my extra barbeque." She looked unimpressed.

"That's it?" I nodded. "You ring my doorbell twice, runaway, crush my rose bush, just to ask me, in the middle of the night, if I wanted a BBQ?"

"Yeah." I blushed. It was a pathetic lie.

"My guess is that you don't want Ranger to find out about this on top of the whipped cream incident."

"You're not gunna tell him are ya?" I swallowed.

She thought for a moment. "The only way you're going to get out of this is to promise me something." At any other time I would have questioned this but I was cornered. I would have promised anything.

"Okay."

An evil grin stretched across her face. What did I just get myself into?

000oooo000

AN: The next chapter is the sequel to this baby. I hope you are ready. -Cokkii


	2. The Boston Tea Party

The Boston Tea Party: Sequel to Pushing Buttons 

Cam's POV

We were going to Boston. Dear God we were going to Boston. It has been a week since the Doorbell Ditch attempt and I was forced into my promise. As it turns out it was going to be a little reunion between Carla, her brother Jacob, and their old friends in Boston. I was beginning to relax. All it was was a little bodyguard duty. I've faced worse.

Our final destination was a 3-story row home. It was a clean white. The personality came in the form of purple trim, shutters and doors. In the front of the house was a small garden. The first thing I noticed were the rose bushes lining the purple fence. Carla led the way to the violent purple door and inside. "Knock knock, " Jacob called. There was a squeal and the sound of metal hitting metal. Not a second later a girl rushed out from the back of the house. She wrapped Jacob in a hug. "RC, can't breathe," he choked out.

She pulled back. "Sorry." She looked over to the group. "Hey Carla."

"Hey RC."

She looked at me. "You must be Cam."

"Hi." I held out my hand. She looked at it. When she finally took hold she used it to pull me into a hug too. It was a bone-crushing hug.

"I am so glad you came. This is gunna be so much fun."

"Hey RC," Carla said. "Has Lynn and Charlie showed up?"

"Are we there yet, Lynn?" A voice came from behind us. We all turned around to see a tall guy with spiky hair standing just inside the door.

"I dunno, Charlie. Why don't you let someone sane answer that?" That voice came from behind the guy.

RC squealed again and pushed both the guy and me out of the way. "Hello to you too, RC." He said. RC had a girl wrapped up in one of her hugs. She looked like she was used to it and waiting for it to end. Once it did she turned to the guy.

"You shouldn't even try. It never works." She turned to the group. "Hey ya'll."

Charlie gave both Carla and RC a one armed hug and gestured to Jacob. He turned to me last. "You must be this weeks candidate."

I had no idea how to respond to that. "Not voluntarily, Charlie. This is his punishment." Carla said. She was leading Lynn up the stairs. "RC didn't you drop something?"

"Oh, no. The cookies!" She sprinted back into the bowels of the house.

"Cam, you just wait on the couch. It won't take long." And they were gone. Everyone but RC and me were upstairs. I sat down and was surprised to find myself sinking. The couch was so soft and squishy that it felt like it was eating me. I settled myself and decided to look around.

The house was unnaturally clean. Everything was in its place. The carpet was freshly vacuumed and the air smelled of Lysol and baking. I heard RC moving around and figured she was in the kitchen. I mean, where else would the cookie smell be coming from?

I watched in amazement as, two minutes later she walked right past me and outside. She moved some potted plants to make a clear space in the middle of her garden and walked out of sight. When she returned she had a small plastic tables. She disappeared again and came back with 4 little plastic chairs. I was starting to get that impending doom feeling again. She came back in the house. "Hey Cam, can you give me a hand?"

"Sure."

She led the way upstairs to the third floor. We went into what must have been her room. The walls were a soothing shade of green. Like the outside of the house, the trim was purple, just less so. Though you could hardly see the walls for all of the posters and bookshelves lining them. There was a dresser in one corner. It had a TV and a play station on top. All of the games were neatly stacked on the bookshelf next to it. The bed had a light purple comforter covered with a butterfly pattern and was made with military like quality. The only disorganized thing in the room was the desk. You could hardly see the keyboard for all of the notebooks, drawings, manga and science textbooks strewn over the surface.

"What's with the textbooks?" I asked.

"I am studying for my biology major at the moment. Then I am going to earn my teaching credentials." She replied,

"You want to be teacher? What grade?"

"Sixth."

I nodded my head. "Cool. I hope you make it."

She smiled at me. "Thanks. Lynn thinks I'm nuts."

She started to rummage in her closet. "What's Lynn studying?"

"She's heading for a Creative Writing major." She found what she was looking for. "Here we go." She handed me a box and walked over to the bed. There were a bunch of stuffed animals on the pillows that I hadn't seen before. She grabbed an ice blue one. "This is IBM." She said in means of introduction.

"What does IBM stand for?"

"Ice bat monster."

"Oh."

She handed IBM to me and walked over and stared a one of her shelves. After a moment of searching she sighed. "Jacob?"

"What?" He called from the second floor.

"Where's the set?"

He didn't answer right away. "In my closet. Top shelf."

She led the way across the hall and into another bedroom. This room obviously belonged to Jacob. The only way to describe it was that it was a man's room. It was his sanctuary. I was staring in awe of the room when RC was pushing me out of the room. "To the kitchen."

We made our way back downstairs and into the kitchen. The kitchen was pretty average as kitchens go. It wasn't huge but it fit two people. "Nice place you have. It's really clean."

"It wouldn't stay that way if Jacob was left to his own devices."

She began to mess with the teakettle that was heating up on the stove. She pulled a tea set out of the box she got from Jacob's room. The impending doom was getting worse. She poured the water into the teapot and put sugar in its dish. The tea set wouldn't have bothered me so much it is had been made of china or even ceramic. Instead it was a pale pink, daisy decal plastic. PLASTIC!

She put the set on a tray and put on oven mitts. The source of the heavenly smell I had noticed earlier was a fresh dozen of cookies. She slid them off their pan an onto a plate and set the plate on the tray. Carefully she picked up the tray and made her way out of the kitchen. Too soon we were in the garden. The tea set was on the table, IBM was in a chair and the box from RC's room, open displaying an assortment of frilly clothes and hats.

"IBM gets the dress today." I gulped. I hope IBM's fate didn't reflect my own. "You can have this one." It was a huge white sun hat. It had a few pink flowers in the top too. "And I get the tiara."

"Do I have to wear it?" I asked, expecting the answer. She glared at me. I really hope the guys didn't hear about this one. Slowly I put it on my head like it was the plague and I was the last healthy person on the planet.

She was sitting in a chair when I got over my hat issues. "Sit down," she ordered. I sat. It couldn't get any worse. Here I was, a RangeMan, sitting at a plastic table in a plastic chair, being served tea out of a plastic tea set, wearing a sun hat with flowers on it, in public.

I had approved RC's request for sugar and watched as she poured in half the dish. Why didn't she just serve me sugar water instead? RC had just put two cookies on my dish when a mailman walked up the street. I thought it odd when he didn't comment on the purple mailbox with its own daisy decal. Instead he commented on the tea party.

"Another one RC? That's your third this month isn't it?"

"Hi, Mr. Holt." RC chimed back. "Carla thought Cam would enjoy it." Great did she have to tell the world who I was?

He smiled. "Well, I hope you enjoy yourself."

"Won't you join us?"

Poor guy almost looked sick. If I wasn't in my position I would have felt sorry for him. "N-not today RC. I've got a full load today."

RC looked like she would cry. "Maybe some other time though." He said quickly.

She smiled instantly and grabbed something out of her box of horrors. She reached over her fence and plopped a pointed green hat on his head. "Then where this. You can give it back tomorrow."

I was surprised when he nearly blushed. "Thanks RC."

"See you tomorrow." She said. And he was off, pointed head fading into the suburban distance. She turned back to me. "Okay, so yesterday I was roll-playing with my friend Sor…"

000oooo000

Lynn's POV

Carla, Charlie, Jacob and I were on the second story looking out of the windows. Charlie had his video camera and was taping the whole thing go down. "I almost feel sorry for the guy." Carla said.

I looked over to her. "You put this guy in this situation for a reason. Don't back down now."

She smiled. "I won't. But I still can't help think that it would have tortured Lester more."

"Naw," Jacob said, "he would have played along."

"Hey Jake," Charlie called. "Isn't that your hat? The one she's giving him?"

We all looked out. "No. Mine's different."

"How about the one on the postman?"

"No." Jake growled.

"Damn. Touch-y." I commented.

Jake slugged me and Carla put him a choke hold. "You go girl!" I cheered. This led to a wrestling match between the two siblings.

Charlie shook his head. "Twins," he sighed. I smiled.

"Come on Charlie. We're not that different."

He reached out an pulled me to him with one hand. "Yeah but we're not related."

000oooo000

Carla's POV

RC and Cam had just packed up when I announced it was time to go. Cam was the first to the SUV. I smiled. "I think he learned his lesson." I said to RC.

"Too bad. I was having fun."

"Thanks for your help."

She smiled. "You own me for this."

I raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

She nodded. "I take checks and cold hard cash."

I pulled her into a hug. "How about I let you decorate RangeMan for the next holiday?"

She pulled back. "Your dad going to be okay with that?"

I shrugged. "That's not gunna stop you, is it?"

"No way."

000oooo000

Thanks for reading. I hope you had as many laughs as I did. Thanks again to Aunbre for the ideas. –Cokkii


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